Life Is More Than A Sound Bite!

Friendships are very difficult to maintain when life is based on the speed of trust.  Relationships take time, commitment, face time, and being able to discuss important relational matters.  Too often, people are making assumptions, holding unexplained expectations on others, and holding differing values without those values being articulated to those we assume are on the same page as we are.  This is the age of sound bites.  You can use 140 words a tweet.  You can use a facebook paragraph.  You can text a thought but none of these technologies really present to you who a person is.  These days you can create any identity you want to portray to others.  Most relationships take time.  Intimacy takes deep conversations.  It also takes trust.  When a person opens up, becomes vulnerable, shares the deepest part of their lives - trust is imperative.  Your personal boundaries can only be opened when "trust" is present.  Can I trust You?  Are you really a friend that can know the other and protect them from those who want to use and exploit you for "business."  I have worked hard to build relationships that are authentic.  I have tried to be a trustful person.  I have worked hard to be an example of friendship to others who don't know how to be a friend... and most of the time I've gotten hurt.  But I haven't quit.

I need my friends.  I have great networking skills.  I have developed an ability to listen to differing points of view without taking sides.  Some may think that's hard to do... but not when you are a kid who grew up in a home with divorced parents.  You don't take sides when your mom and dad divorce each other. You have to learn to relate to them without choosing sides.  One of the major problems that emerge in a friendship and having a learned behavior like mine is when a friend asks you to choose them over another friend you love too.  I don't like choosing sides when someone asks me to choose them over another.  I have republican and democrat friends.  I have conservative and liberal friends. I have Christian and non-Christian friends.  When people push me to agree with them and then threaten me I just move on because I will not take sides.  I love people too much to be limited by partisan positions.  I love my Calvinist friends. I love my Quaker friends! I love my Pentecostal Friends! I love my friends no matter what label you put on them.  I am a lover!  Not a hater. 

Twenty years ago, I lost who I thought was my best friend. We had a great friendship but I always knew that this friendship would be hard to maintain because of the conflicts he had in himself. I did everything I could to protect this relationship but finally realized he was never going to be on the same page with where I felt God calling me to.  He was making some life choices and going in a direction I could not follow.  He sat in an office and asked me to choose what he valued and expected over what I thought what we both had valued.  We had a values conflict.  He left and hasn't spoken to me for the last 20 years.  I have never once exposed him.  I have never struck out to hurt him.  I have forgiven him and protected the friendship we once had... because the scripture teaches that a true friend loves at all times. I am still his friend... but his choices in life have resulted in him building with other people who know nothing about him because he has recreated a new world... and if that's what he needs that's okay with me. Our differing values brought an end to our relationship. For me... I need authenticity.  Friendship has categories.  You have marriage and family, neighbors, workmates, acquaintances, brothers, those within a faith community, partners, business leaders, all who have some sort of relationship with you that you call friends.  However, there is one kind of friend that sticks closer than a brother.  Covenantal friends.  Heart to Heart. Spirit to Spirit.  Friendships that move you beyond words.  The problem with most of us is that we do not know how to handle the relationships God gives us.  Don't assume that everybody that comes into your life has been sent by God. Some relationships are totally inappropriate and to engage in them will lead to failure.  The Bible is filled with such stories. Proverbs describes the type of people to avoid. However, every relationship given to us by God is a sacred trust. Too often, when we do not follow the guidelines of friendship laid out in scripture we get blindsided by people who the scripture warns us about.  When God gives me the people he sends into my life - it's important I recognize the gift of "them" that God has given me.  Likewise, the other party needs to understand the same.  It's also important to understand what role we play in each others lives so that we do not get confused with our understanding of the other's values and expectations.  Don't assume you understand anything - even if you had relationship for 20 years.  If it is not a covenant relationship then don't expect the benefits of the covenant.  If it is another category then don't set yourself up for failure by trying to be something the other person has not asked you to be a part of.  People don't fight over scripture, over worship practices, or styles, goals, or their relationship.  They fight over values... and end relationships because of them.

I often wonder, with all the infighting, mishandling of relationships, and broken trust that have resulted over those unspoken expectations and differing values found in relationship what we are all going to say in front of Jesus about our broken relationships with one another.  Do you think Jesus will choose between me and you?  Is he caught in the middle of the disputes?  Will he let both of us in heaven?  Or will he choose you over me and send me to hell because I didn't live up to your expectations, share your values, agreed with Fox News or MSNBC political blood sporting, or held to your wrapping your interpretation of scripture around your values, or having different sins than you.  Obviously,  Jesus will choose  between our views, and has aligned himself with our opinions, and is wrapped in our disputes and will send me to Hell because I'm don't agree with you. Your facebook comments, tweets, and all your instagram photo opts are the are the right perspectives only if I agree with them. The moment I show any disagreement - I get deleted.   I wonder what Jesus has to say about the new communities we carry in our pocket and how easily our sound bites determine the future of relationships.  FB, Tweeting, and Instagram can become the new living Hell when all the rules, protocols, and respect of boundaries is redefined by those daily sound bites we receive in the texts...  Do you really want to offer yourself as a friend or not?  Do you really want to be a friend or not?  The only thing you need to carry forward in any relationship is "loving others" the best you know how?  Jesus had to ask Peter three times "DO YOU LOVE ME?"  Why did it take him so long to answer Jesus back "Jesus, you know that I love you?"  Is it because He Knew Jesus would give him the final proof of love?  Peter, If you love me then take care of those relationships I have given you.  True friendship is demonstrated in how you love the others around you.

Proverbs 18:24

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.