Blowing it!

     We've all had our moments where we've blown it.  We made bad choices, we choose wrong directions, we said things we wish we could take back, and hurt others in each process. Recently, I had one of these moments. I asked myself why I let myself get into this position. As I looked at my motivation I was trying to help a friend not realizing even my best intentions would bring confusion in another relationship and violate their trust.  I take full responsibility... and what's worse is Proverbs 18:19 remains true, "An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city."  I can't believe I let myself get into this position. I am especially bothered when others have used my mistakes as an opportunity to disqualify me totally from being a "trusted" person in projects, opportunities, and other relational networks because they've painted me as a person who continually makes mistakes. Yes, I am guilty but so are they and so are you.  Everyone blows it.  Everyone is guilty... and everyone does it all the time.  Romans 3:23 tells us "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3:10 tells us "there is none righteous, no not one." So, how we forgive and rebuild trust all depends not on the guilty party but the injured party's choices to forgive, get up and trust again, allow mistakes to be made and let lessons be learned by those who made the mistake.

     I think sometimes people find themselves blowing it with others because the offended party has not explained the values they hold well enough, have not defined their personal boundaries to others, or explained what the expectations are in the relationship.  This is not excusing the offense - only explaining why it happens sometimes. So everything gets screwed up, relationship failures happen and then the violating party gets punished because they didn't know or understand the rules the injured party had. 
     Relationships are a complicated thing. Especially, when you have so many of them, so many different values, and so many different rules that you have to navigate through. My expectation is that people will fail.  People will blow it. People are people.  Mark 4:24 says "And he said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you." Too many people have unrealistic expectations of their friends... people are going to fail you.  You are going to fail others.  The scripture tells us "THERE ARE NONE RIGHTEOUS" - so everyone of us will fail in relationship with others.

     So when someone fails you what will do?  Will you follow Matthew 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." Or will you just ignore the person who failed you and hold that resentment in your heart?  The goal according to scripture is to "win the relationship back."  Gal. 6:1 exhorts, " Brothers and sisters, if a person gets trapped by wrongdoing, those of you who are spiritual should help that person turn away from doing wrong. Do it in a gentle way. At the same time watch yourself so that you also are not tempted."  The thing that really bothers me these days is how few Christians integrate and practice what the scripture command us to do vs. following their own dysfunctional value systems.  God calls us to restore "relationship failures."  Micah 6:8 tells us that the Lord requires us "TO LOVE MERCY."  I need mercy and grace when I blow it.  I need to be forgiven and reaccepted by others. I need to be valued in the same manner I was valued before I failed others in relationship... and so do you.  But, unfortunately too many people love punishing me, punishing you for our transgressions, our failures, and mishandling our relationship.  Divorce is not acceptable, people talk behind our backs and tell others their offenses toward us, and cut us out of the loop and punish us for blowing it is not acceptable.  We are follows of Jesus I think... God help us!

      Hebrews 12:15 applies to all of us, "Make sure that everyone has kindness from God so that bitterness doesn't take root and grow up to cause trouble that corrupts many of you."  Looking diligently - This phrase implies close attention. It is implied that there are reasons why we should take special care. Lest any man fail of the grace of God; not the free favour and love of God in Christ, which is everlasting, unchangeable, and from whence there is no separation; nor the grace of God implanted in the heart in regeneration, which is incorruptible, never failing, but always remains, as do faith, hope, and love; but either the whole doctrine of the Gospel, which is a declaration of the grace of God; or particularly the doctrine of free justification by the righteousness of Christ, which men may receive in vain, and fall from, 2 Corinthians 6:1 to which these Hebrews might be prone: and such "fail" of it, who either come short of it, do not come up to it, receive and embrace it; or who having professed it, drop it and deny it: now such should be looked after, and such a case should be diligently looked into; because the glory of God, the honour of Christ, the good of souls, and the well being, and even the continuance of the church state are concerned: Lest any root of bitterness springing up - A root of bitterness signifies a poisonous plant. The Hebrews call every species of poison a bitter, and with considerable propriety, as most plants are poisonous in proportion to the quantum of the bitter principle they possess. The root of bitterness is here used metaphorically for a bad man, or a man holding unsound doctrines, and endeavoring to spread them in the Church.  Trouble you - This alludes to the effects of poison taken into the body: the whole animal system is disturbed, sometimes violent retchings, great disturbances through the whole alimentary canal, together with the most fatal changes in the whole sanguineous system, are the consequences of poison taken into the stomach. The blood itself (the principle, under God, of life) becomes putrescent; and probably to this the intelligent apostle alludes when he says, and thereby many be defiled, μιανθωσι, corrupted or contaminated.  Bad examples and false teaching have corrupted thousands, and are still making desolation in the world and in the Church. 

      So my only question I would like to ask of ourselves is: "When others fail us- and they will -  How are we going to handle it?  Will we give them the opportunity to be forgiven, loved and totally accepted as we were in the beginning or divorced, talk about them behind their back, turning others against them so they are not a part of our small world and ensured to be cut out of our little relational network because we are better than them?   Hmmm...  1 Corinthians 13:4-7  "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."   I'm sorry... I've made lots of mistakes. The only thing I can ask of you is to explain to me the rules of engagement when I come into relationship with you and teach me the proper protocol. That's all I can ask - and I will do my best to love and be a good friend to you.  But I am a realist I will blow it sometimes.  Please give me another chance to be a better friend...