
Author Parker Palmer explains in his book, "A Hidden Wholeness," that a dualistic life is the result of "trying to conceal our true identity for fear of being criticized, shunned, or attacked." He says, "We hide our beliefs from those who disagree with us to avoid conflict, challenge, and change." As a result, we stay in settings or relationships that steadily kill off our spiritual nurture. So God allows circumstances to come into our lives to move us to where we should be- unless we refuse to change. Then we just get the pain. In my spiritual journey, I've arrived into a new place in my life. I'm still very committed to being optimistic, a good husband, father, and good leader in a faith community... however, the integration of my faith, values, dreams, and courage is still my life's ambition. I am, like many other boomers (born 1956-1965) committed to personal development, dreaming of achieving a perfectly balanced life, tolerant of egalitarian marriage and leadership. I'm committed to Organic food, leadership, community, and theology. I accept social experiments and refuse to accept my parents ideas of middle age. I am a part of the generation who is going to redefine it for ourselves.
I'm glad I'm not a fundementalist, an infallabilist, or subscribe to inerrant interpretations of scripture. I have a hard time thinking in terms of a God with a multiple personality disorder. I believe in having uncommon dialogues with God in language only understood by Him without having a need for a mood altering experience. I love being human and i want to be fully present in my trouble, in my pain, and the journey through it - God this is hard! This is not me being saddistic... it's me wanting the life experience that enables me to have deeper relationships, a more meaningful story and finding that real reason for being. My problem is I love fleeing from pain and avoiding facing my fears. God help me in my times of trouble. I'm scared to death! That's the truth and i don't need to be confessing "I Think I Can, I think I Can" - like the little engine that thought he could. it's just not me. So rather than just taking refuge in a beer can and having butterflies in my stomack... I'm choosing to say "YES" and I can't wait to read Robert A Schuller's new book, "When your down to nothing, God is up to something." It's a good word in a time of trouble.
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