It takes more than facebook to be a friend...

A brief time ago, I had the privilege of studying with Dr. Len Sweet at George Fox University Evangelical Seminary in Portland, Oregon.  During this time, Len had us read a book entitled, "Relational Holiness" by Michael Lodahl.  The basic premise of the book had to do with how those churches born within the American Holiness Tradition had to redefine themselves for the 21st century. Lodahl suggest that one possible way forward was for the church to look for ways to bring about relational wholeness with God and others.  This really sparked a thought in me.  

I'll begin with a biblical premise.  In Genesis 2:18, God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone!"  This is a very powerful foundation for us to explore in an understanding as to why relationship is important and was designed by God for us.  Every human relationship God designs and gives us is his gift to us. God not only gave Eve to Adam but he also gave them sons and daughters and called them to fill the entire earth with others.  Many people have stopped and said that Eve was designed by God to fulfill Adam's aloneness.  However, the bible shows us that this relationship was designed to build a myriad of relationships with others throughout the world.  So, from the foundation of this first relationship God gifted Adam and Eve with others to expand them beyond themselves.  God did not design a world to be "us four and no more."  In fact, Acts 17:26 St. Paul states, "From one man he created all the nations or tribes were created throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries." In each of our worlds or spheres of influence we have forty people in our lives whom we regard as our friends.  Who we choose to be in those spheres of trust says a lot about who we are, what we value, and where we are heading in life.

Over the years, I have found that there are a lot of people who don't know how to do friendship well. First, too many failed relationships have been based on unspoken expectations.  Why do you choose the people in your life that you call friends?  Do your friends know why they are in your life?  What are their expectations of you?  What role have you assigned them? What place do they have you in?  Years ago, Brian Houston of Hillsong said "there are three kinds of relationships:  (1) relationships that refresh you, (2)  relationships that you refresh, (3) and relationships that drain you."  Do you know how others regard their relation with you?  In my experience of working with people, I have found six types of relationships: (1) consumatory - where people treat your relationship with them as a consumer; (2) transitory relationship - where people are just in your life for a season. Usually God brings these people into our lives to leave a deposit of something that we need to grow up in; (3) business relationships - where we work, exchange ideas, and conduct business that enables each other to reach our business goals; (4) community relationship - like neighbors, parents and teachers who our kids go to school with and community, church, or civic groups; (5) family relationships- our parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, in laws and kids; and (6) covenant relationships. Each of these types of friendships are designed around shared values, roots within ourselves, and strongly held beliefs about ourselves.  All designed to build our inner lives.  However, there are some common enemies to strong friendships that contribute to relational breakdowns and the creation of dysfunctional relationships.

Unresolved conflicts, unforgiveness, iniquity, bitterness, disputes, beliefs, judgements, inner vows, unrealistic expectations, and addictions and ACOA behaviors all contribute to the breakdown of our relationships. Another problem that breaks down relationships has to do with conflicting values.  I may have high values on family... A friend may have have high value on work or education. Another may have high value on recreation. Without agreed shared values conflict and breakdown may occur. I'm convinced that the high divorce rate is based on competing values. So how can we find our way to building healthy sustainable relationships?  

Throughout my life I have made many friends. Most all my friends have been life long friends. Throughout the stages of my adult maturity the relationships with my friends have had to grow and change through each stage of development. Going to college, grad school, and then getting married changed my life. Having kids, parenting them and helping them get their lives started was another important stage in life... Each stage has had to adjust to life's circumstances. You find out in each stage (good times and tough times) what kind of friends your friends are. Some are close, intimate, best friends. Some friends are just there to have fun and laugh with, some friends are seasonal and come in and out at various stages. To have life long friends of all types you need to know who your friends are, why you choose them and where they fit into your life and where you fit in theirs. I love my friends... All of them and I want to work hard to keep them around till death takes us into a different expression of friendship and experience in the next life.

Len Sweet, a few years back wrote a book on the 11 indispensable relationships we all need in our life.  He thinks that each of us need an "editor," a "true Friend,"  A "Butt-kicker," an "encourager," a "back-coverer,"  etc.  His point is that we need relationships that serve different kinds of roles in our lives to keep us accountable to God, ourselves and our place in our world.  But not everyone will value their role in your life and may want to opt out sometimes... and that's okay because you can always choose a new friend.  I call this "friending-up" because sometimes some friends cannot and will not go with us in our next stage of our lives.  The Apostle Paul said, "When I was a child I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things..."  this may include our childhood playmates who refuse to grow up with us.  Tough decision but sometimes some people just have to move on and let go of that high school buddy who still wants to sit in the bar and talk about that 1976 football game we won for the 100th time. Sometimes there just needs to be exits and endings to a chapter in our lives.  The sad part of endings is that a lot of people just don't learn the fact that friendships require mutual benefits for them to be enduring and sometimes they might be getting something out of the friendship that no longer benefits us as well as them.

The final thought here I want to leave with you is to understand  that there are seven types of friendships that we all need to "place" and qualify our friends with:  Some people will be just (1) Acquaintances; (2)   or neighbors; (3) sidekicks who just hang out; (4) pals; (5) close kin; (6) co-workers; (7) or a covenant friend.  Whoever we choose... to serve in whatever place we assign them in our lives... know this:  each relationship that you are have, you have been gifted.  You need to steward these relationships well by defining them, encouraging them and communicating why they are in your life.  All these relationships are a sacred trust and need to be stewarded well.

The Unsurprizing Theology Of John MacArthur

   Recently, Fundamentalist teacher John MacArthur held a conference in California called "Strange Fire." What is strange about all this hullabaloo for me is that there is nothing new about John MacArthur's attack against "Spirit-filled" believers/churches.  He has been well known for his positions since the publication in 1992 of his book "Charismatic Chaos."  Everyone has reacted to his position like there is something new about what he's held as a "ideological" position for 20 years or more. 

  First of all, John MacArthur regards himself as a Calvinist.  Most Calvinist are Cessationists. Cessationists believe that all signs, wonders, miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit (especially Speaking in Tongues) ended with the "giving" of the the scripture (or the closing of the canon) or death of the apostles. Contrary to his calling those who hold that "charismatic" gifts outlined in scripture as heretics; I have a hard time with him declaring men like George Fox, John Wesley and Charles G. Finney, heretics because they spoke in tongues.  Having been raised in a fundamentalist Baptist church,  with a pastor who did his undergraduate degree at Bob Jones university like John MacArthur did, I know his positions and views on scripture.  John MacArthur holds an "inerrant," "interpretation," view of scripture... which means that while claiming he believes the bible is inerrant - the real position is that he and others who hold this position believe that "their interpretation of scripture is inerrant.  This position is ridiculous.  This whole argument was born out of the scope's trial in 1929 with the introduction of evolution into American Public schools.  

    The proper scriptural position is that we have an inerrant God who inspired the writers of the various books of the bible.  As we read the scripture, we find God speaks to humanity in various ways... Hebrews 1:1 says, "In the past God spoke to our ancestors at many different times and in many different ways through the prophets."  God didn't speak through the scrolls of these men, he told these men to write down what he said on scrolls.  God spoke to Moses in a burning bush.  He spoke to Elijah in a still small voice. He spoke to all of us through Jesus, God's only begotten son.  He spoke to Paul the Apostle through many diverse circumstances... and God still speaks to us today through the same empowering Holy Spirit as he did through them.  The primary problem with Mr. MacArthur's view is his interpretation on I Cor. 13:9.  This verse says, "But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away."  He holds that "when that which is perfect comes" means the Bible is that which is perfect.  What this means in his "religious context" is that all gifts, all signs and wonders ceased "when that which is comes" came.    However, any cursory reading of the text demonstrates that the context clearly is referring to Christ not the Bible.  So, where did they get the idea that the gifts of the Holy Spirit ceased?

    Well,  Mr. MacArthur gets this position from dispensationalism.  The view that there are different periods of God's dealing with people.  In other words, he would hold to the position that there was an Apostolic age which ended around 100 CE. The Apostolic Age of the history of Christianity is traditionally the period of the Twelve Apostles, dating from the Great Commission of the Apostles by the resurrected Jesus in Jerusalem c. 33 until the death of the last Apostle, believed to be John the Apostle in Anatolia c. 100.  After the conclusion of the this apostolic age we moved into an age of grace which will last until the rapture of the church.  As a system, dispensationalism is expounded in the writings of John Nelson Darby (1800–82) and the Plymouth Brethren movement, and propagated through works such as Cyrus Scofield's Scofield Reference Bible. The theology of dispensationalism consists of a distinctive eschatological end-times perspective, as all dispensationalists hold to premillennialism and most hold to a pretribulation rapture.  John MacArthur holds to these views and probably would die on the spot if he knew that all these views arouse from a "charismatic" church movement he declares as heretical.  On the one side, he denounces the "charismatic" expression of gifts but holds to a view that was birthed in the very type of church he denounces through the prophecies of Margret McDonald (a woman too!).

    A friend of mine, Richard Mull, has recently completed what he calls the "God Speaks Bible."  The God Speaks Bible traces every time God has spoken, every individual whom God has spoken to in the Bible and every conceivable way that God has spoken, using color coded identification. It also contains valuable resources to help you learn to hear God and to grow in your intimacy with Him. This Bible will certainly demonstrate that God doesn't just speak through words written down on paper.  God forgive us that we would limit God to a "paper pope." The Bible clearly teaches that God speaks through the guidance the Holy Spirit, who will guide us into all truth, not through the reading of words with preformulated views I bring to scripture.  That is called indoctrination. Problem with most Calvinist is they think Calvin was the only voice of the reformation... anyone heard of Zwingli?  

    The unfortunate thing I find with Mr. MacArthur's position is that it's nothing new.  I guess the rise and popularity of churches like Hillsong, Christian City Church, Lakewood Church or Gateway etc. he is threatened by a declining eschatological view that is evidence to him that we are now in the period of the "great falling" away.  I'm glad to be a part of that falling away he points to.  I fell away from "preachers" who are arrogant enough to proclaim themselves as the holders of all "truth" and if we don't agree with them then we don't have a disagreement with them... we have a disagreement with the word of God.  WELL, Mr. MacArthur, not that you'll ever read my blog, but You're not God, I know God, and your not HIM and your interpretation of the Bible is not inerrant.  Jesus Christ is always the same, yesterday, today and forever.  (Hebrews 13:8)