Marriage: What's Love Got To Do With It? Part 1

"What's Love Got to Do with It" is a song recorded by the American singer Tina Turner, released in 1984. It was taken from her fifth solo album, Private Dancer and became Turner's most successful single. Tina Turner’s song spells out a story of two people who are trying to have a relationship based purely on the physical element while pushing their hearts and emotions aside to avoid getting hurt. It may sound good in theory, but this is an empty, lonely, and painful approach to relationships. It’s a sad song that reminds us of how lost people can become on the trek to true love and relational satisfaction.  Our culture often paints a rosy picture of relationships: you meet that perfect someone who makes your heart race and gives meaning to your life. So, you throw away your cares, cautions, or conflicts bogging you down as you skip off into the sunlight together, and you believe that life with your perfect soul mate will be euphoric and easy. Unfortunately, that scenario is not realistic. Over the years, I have had to personally grow in both my love and relationship with my wife Andra. When I got married at age 27 I had no idea what love meant. Like most young men, I had all the normal human emotions and passion for this beautiful young woman I met. But I had no idea what loving her, marriage, parenting, and the stages of life maturing processes we would go through were all about.  I asked a dear friend of mine, who had been married for sixty years or so, what he could tell me about marriage.  His reply was, “First, you’ll never understand a woman.  Second, when she is all out of sorts just give her a big hug and let her melt in your arms.  Finally, brush your tongue!”  Lol.  Though true it still didn’t provide me any greater insight to the journey I was about to begin on some 30+ years ago.

Someone once said, Marriage is about growing together or growing apart. Working at your relationship and marriage is a personal decision for both parties. If a marriage is to survive you have to begin to understand that love is more than an emotion.  The word “Love” is a verb. It’s based on an Old Testament word, loving kindness. It requires attention every day.  It’s all about showing each other acts of love and kindness to each other on a regular basis and it’s labor intensive.  Nehemiah 9:7 says, “You are a God of forgiveness, Gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness; And You did not forsake them.”  God has modeled to us what it takes to build a healthy marriage.  I Corinthians 13:4-7 explains to us that, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  Nothing listed here is easy to do and no couple I’ve ever met has successfully achieved these lofty notions of love, that Paul writes about, without going through some pain.

If I were to counsel a young man about marriage the first thing I would want him to know is that marriage is God's design to call us from independence to interdependence to understand the call to maturity and union between Jesus and His Church. It requires a commitment to grow through each stage of life. Just living together and living independently of one another in a marriage is the primary cause of divorce. People need to be committed to becoming one in the union of a marriage not just choosing to live together. The primary purpose of marriage is to grow up two adults into the stage of life known as interdependence. When a couple fails to take extraordinary care for one another; fails to take care each other's emotional, physical, relational, spiritual, intellectual needs; fail to take each other in account when making decisions; it all leads to frustration, disappointment and painful experiences which can result in fight/flight behavior. Fight /flight behavior is evidence of lack of self-differentiation and a identity disorder (know who you are). This leads to acute anxiety disorders and an inability to become one in marriage and is the chief reason why couples don't make it. Before I was married Andra's pastor introduced me to some very important insights about personal growth, stages of life, and how our emotional and spiritual growth was inter-related. So, I began to read everything I could on the subject. I also read in the bible several important passages on the subject. Hebrews 5:11-14 says, "We have many things to say, which are hard to for you to grasp since you have become dull of hearing..." Marriage has taught me a lot about myself.  In Andra's church, they had a personal inventory test created by a Christian therapy group in California, which asked a series of questions which revealed areas in your life where you had strengths and weakness. The Church pastoral team would use the results of this testing in the premarital counseling program.  I was completely closed-minded to them testing me since I thought "If God brought us together, what on earth do I need to be tested for?" After all, I loved her, she loved me and we had heard clearly from the Lord we were to be together. Well, let me just say, I was like every other young man I know, I was a fool.  Just because God brings you together doesn't make you an expert on how to stay together. John Sandford, author of "Transformation Of The Inner Man, says, "Marriage is designed to grind."  What I can tell you is this, the woman or young man you marry will push every button within you where your emotional pain is.  The purpose for that is that God has designed marriage to call you out of your self-life. Through the years, I've learned that it's hard work getting over yourself.  Marriage is not about you!  When you refuse to allow someone to counsel you in the early stages of your relationship with the person God brings into your life, you will find yourself in a marriage counselors office addressing the very things you would have been counseled on in the first place. Marriage is not about you. It is always about the other person you marriage.  Like everyone else I know who have been able to sustain a healthy growing relationship, I've had to work on myself to keep growing and thriving as a person and my wife has had to do the same.  However, I want to make sure you understand one thing.  You are not responsible for your spouse's personal growth. You can't fix what your mate will not fix themselves.  As the Hebrew writer informs us, closed-mindedness makes spiritual growth hard. 

There are several books that can help us understand emotional and spiritual development, Gail Sheehy's,"Passages,"  David Levinson, "Seasons Of A Man's Life," and James Fowler's book, "Stages of Faith: The Psychology Of Human Development and the Quest For Meaning" have all been helpful to me in pursuing my own personal growth.  Other books that were helpful were Dr. Kenneth Hagin Sr.'s "Growing Up Spiritually," Gerald Derstine's "Destined To Mature," and Juan Carlos Ortiz's book, "Called To discipleship.  Each of these books taught me that there are stages or passages of life that we all need to go through in order to grow in our love and relationship with our spouse. In each stage, you have to do the work of the decade your in and you cannot skip a stage. Western Pop Culture fails to teach us how to navigate the transition from childhood to adulthood. Too many people reach their physical prime without ever attaining psychological maturity. Put plainly, in today’s world, growing up is hard to do.  What happens between life passages is considerably more important to the process of maturation than are the passages themselves.  The primary work of maturing takes place gradually every day as we apply ourselves to the developmental tasks of our current life stage. In I John 2:11-13 We find three development stages that all of us have to go through.  The Apostle John wrote these words, “I write to you children because you are forgiven.” “I write to you young people because you’ve overcome.” Then he writes, “I write to you fathers because you’ve known him from the beginning.” There are three major life transitions we all have to master in our personal development if our marriages and families are to thrive and prevail.

The first stage of development is childhood. According to I John, this stage of life is where we are to learn that we are “loved unconditionally.”  The homes we are raised in set the tone for us to live life.  If you were raised in a home where love was expressed “conditionally” then you too often will find yourself learning that love only comes through performing.  This is called “Performance Orientation.”  All you have to get love is perform or act in a way to get kudos and off you go “performing” to get love, acceptance, and affirmation by performing for others the rest of your life. Living this kind of life is exhausting.  The Apostle John understood that a child needs unconditional love, forgiveness, affirmation and total acceptance.  A child needs to belong - not be told you belong only when you do what I say.  They need to belong even when they fail.  “Unconditional love” is a hard concept for people who have been raised in homes where “Performance Orientation” prevails.  It’s also a hard concept to accept the unconditional love of God and the work of salvation in your life when your whole life has been built around “Performance Orientation.”  Ephesian 2:8-9 says, “For by grace (That unearned love and forgiveness) have you been saved through faith; and not of yourselves, it is a gift of God; not as a result of your works, that no one should boast.”  You cannot earn the love of God because it is unconditional.  His saving work is a gift to us.  If our parents model love, forgiveness, affirmation and total acceptance you may find life passages easy to transition through.  However, if you were raised “striving to win acceptance” or “striving to be the good child” too often you will come into marriage with wrong attitudes about “love.”  Galatians 1:10 states, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men (husband/wife), or of God?  Or am I trying to please men (husband/wife)?  If I were still trying to please men (husband/wife), I would not be a servant of Christ.” Healing will not come from our own efforts, nor by finding new and better ways to perform.  What is needed is to offer grace to grow, forgiveness, and unconditional love in our relationship toward one to another.  This is not an easy task. Part of learning to embrace our lives fully begins with dealing with our childish thinking, attitudes, and behavior.  I Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”  I found that one of the first aspects that marriage requires us to address our childhood attitudes that developed in our family context growing up, "give up those childish ways of thinking" and learn to how to emotionally mature by doing the work of the life stage you are in. Choosing to personally mature is the most loving gift you can give your spouse. Childhood is all about "self-centeredness" and dependency. Marriage is all about interdependence, demonstrating love and care for the other in your life. It's not about you!

The second stage of development that the apostle John refers to is, “I write to you young people because you have overcome the evil one.”  Wow. This is a loaded, powerful, verse.  Young people have to learn how to overcome life passages in adulthood, how to manage life effectively, temptation and adversity. A lot of things can be said about each area of life that every young person needs to overcome. It's taking the things that we experienced through our upbringing and knowing how it effects you in a it in a different context. With all the marriage breakdowns in our culture today, one of the greatest concerns i have for young people today has to do with sexual fidelity before marriage. Our culture has become highly sexualized and porn has become easily accessible. In Today's millenial culture there is an attitude that sex comes with the first date. Some even think that marriage is not necessary. What most young people have to overcome is broken trust issues and asn inability to know how to build a healthy relationship with one another. Trust building begins with knowing how to honor and respect one another - not self-gratification.

Let me be very clear, sex was a God idea. Premarital sex can be very harmful to a relationship in several ways. In my professional pastoral counseling experience, I have found that when a young man chooses to have sex with his girlfriend and then marries her she doesn't trust him in the relationship. In her mind, even if she seduces him, if he will sleep with her before the marriage, he will cheat on her after they are married. Why? Because he didn't exercise self-discipline or honor her. He only reinforced that all a man wants is sex. There maybe some instances where this is not true but in most of the marriage counseling I've done, I found that most relationship breakdowns are rooted in the "Trust" that broke down at the beginning of a couple's choice to have sex before marriage. A woman was to know if her man is trustworthy and will test him. In the scripture, there is an amazing story about Joseph being seduced by Potipher's wife and him resisting her. Our sexuality is a gift from God and was designed to be given within the context of a sacred covenant of marriage. I Cor. 6:18 warns us, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits is outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body." When couples engage in premarital sex it impacts their future of the sexual well-being as a married couple. The easy access to pornography also impacts couples in very negative ways. Again, I have counseled great numbers of young men and women who found that even after marriage their addiction to porn was greater than sexual fidelity. Marriage does not fix porn problems it only hurts it. We need to learn how to overcome not only the sexual temptations but those areas of hurt that have resulted from our sexual engagement with other partners before we got married. Despite George Michael's song, "Sexual Healing" doesn't begin by bedding down tonight. It begins with repentance. Understanding the issues of intimacy that God calls us to begins by understanding what love is. So basically, what the

Apostle John tells us is "emotional and spiritual" growth is all about self-control and fleeing those areas of life that have to do with self-gratification and shortcuts. The Apostle Paul wrote in I Cor. 6:18 "Stay away from sexual sins. Other sins that people commit don't affect their bodies the same way sexual sins do. People who sin sexually sin against their own bodies."  Modern research of the brain has shown that our brains are recording devises. When we engage in sexual activity before marriage it becomes a reference point. These references can become as they say "the devil's workshop." When your sexual life goes through different phases your first sexual reference points can tempt you to "go back" in our minds and compare our current state of our marriage to those earlier reference points (as though it was better back then) and end up hurting our relationship to ourselves and those we love. This is why porn, extra-marital relationships, addiction, and other breakdowns happen in marriages because we let the old tapes play in our head. According to John we care called by God to become overcomers. Overcoming begins with true repentance not tring to convince yourself you'll never do that again. Real love requires self-discipline and applying the cross to every area of our self-life. Enough said!

There are many other marriage experiences that show us our need for personal growth. How we handle money, planning, parenting, work schedules, friendships, church life, nutrition,healthcare habits, and may other areas of life you will go through with your marriage - all demonstrate what we didn't learn growing up and need to overcome. Each of these areas can help us move forward or remain stuck in a stage of life that we should have moved on from in our adult development. In my next installment of this blog we will talk about each of these developmental areas and how again God uses our marriage to call us forward into a real place of growth.

Seek The Welfare Of The City Where I Have Sent You

The Crumpton Family
Foundation Ministries International
Derek and Jean Crumpton commissioning their son John
SA Kingdom Come conference 2017

In 1991, a major apostolic leader from South Africa, named Derek Crumpton, came to see me in my home city of Annapolis.  What he shared with me during his visit would become a defining moment in my life and journey.  Derek shared that he had been prompted by the Holy Spirit to come to Annapolis to tell me that unless I addressed the stronghold of slavery resting over our city that our ministry would not flourish.  I knew that he knew nothing of the history of our city or state.  So, as he began to share what God had shown him I was quite sure he had been moved by the Holy Spirit.  He said, "God has shown me that there were slave ships that came to Annapolis from Africa. The slaves on board, came with their witchcraft and voodoo and cursed this city, it’s habitants, and their descendants.  The curse pronounced was, that what happened to them would come back on the city's residents and generations yet to come."  Derek then exhorted me to gather the descendants of the slaves and slave owners, Church leaders, and city officials to gather together to repent for the city's participation in slavery and to break off the prevailing principalities and powers resting over the city.  We began this work in 1994 and have led our city in several healing and reconciliation gatherings all the way through to our current time. However, God is calling the Church to do more. This prophetic word was the beginning of my journey into the redemptive work of the Lord in our city.  Now we are embarking on engaging the entire Body of Christ, locally and globally, to work together for urban change and community transformation.  God's vision for places is for spiritual, cultural and social transformation.  The whole New Testament is filled with examples of whole communities being transformed by the Gospel.  Let me once again state what God had shown me back in the 1980's.  Whole cities and nations are going to be "saved" transformed by the power of God in the coming days of history.  Psalm 102:18 says, "This is written for a generation to come.  That generation which shall praise the Lord." There is coming a time when a whole generation will praise the Lord!

How can we ignore God's intent to transform the nations?  Matthew 28:18-20 commands us to go "disciple the nations."  Why on earth do we pray the Lord's prayer, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven", and not expect this prayer to be answered and become a reality?  When our cities were conceived in the heart of our father in heaven, what did he see for it?  What did he dream about it?  Do you realize that in Matthew Chapter 4 Satan took Jesus up to an exceedingly high mountain and offered Him the kingdoms of this world if he would just bow down and worship him?  This was a real temptation for Jesus to avoid the cross and take the easy route to gain the kingdoms of this world. The major purpose of Jesus' work on the cross was to become Lord over the kingdoms of this world. Why?  Did he just intend to leave the world in its current state? No!  The cross makes possible the "transformation of cities, communities, and nations."  It's the whole purpose that Jesus sent his disciples into the whole world. Your city and your place in that community (John 14:2-3; Acts 17:26) matters to God and you're responsible for its stewardship as a New Testament believer.  The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Will I leave this city in a better condition after I die than when I found it?" So, if my city is struggling through "racism" and an "opioid epidemic" what are we, the Body of Christ, going to do about it? What deposit are we going to leave in our city that other generations might pick up? I think if we leave our city with more darkness in it than when we came, we've done something wrong haven't we?  Should all of us be expectant that God's is going to do some amazing things amongst us? Otherwise, why pray the Lord's prayer?

God is the God of our cities and He is already working in them and He is waiting for His Church to come along and join Him.  All of churches together should be the leaders in attending to the spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing and care for the communities they are called to be in. But, God isn't waiting for the Church to work in the city. He's getting on with it!  Did you know that the Church is equal in responsibility with the government for our nation?  The Church is equal in responsibility with its local council for its city.  God did not call myself or any other pastor to pastor local congregations - he called us to pastor local cities and nations!  Instead of blaming everybody else, we are called to take responsibility for the problems, needs and welfare of our city and provide our communities with God-given solutions.   Ephesians 3:10 says, “His purpose was that, through the Church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the principalities and power in their spiritual realms.”  The Greek Word for “spiritual realms” is “epouranios” means “the sphere of spiritual activities.”   Paul was writing to the Church of Ephesus that it was through the Church sphere of influence that “the manifold Wisdom of God” would be made known to the principalities and powers in their communities.  Who are these principalities and powers?   The word “Principalities” have to do with the prevailing cultural perspective over a city or region.  Cities, communities and regions have cultural strongholds which many times have no solutions to their problems.  The word “Powers” means “institutions or systems of government” which often cause failure in their communities leading to systemic problems for years.  The Body of Christ, regardless of denominational affiliation, is God’s vehicle for community transformation.  Biblically and historically, it has always been the Church that has led the way forward in community transformation.  For Christians to be identified with Christ and the Gospel mandates that every Christian is to love, care and become engaged in transforming the places where they live with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

In recent years, American cities, small towns, and rural communities have been struggling with a major opioid and substance abuse epidemics.  Marriage and family breakdowns have soared. Human trafficking of middle school children has become the number one crisis facing our nation today.  It’s a 38-Billion-dollar business of kidnapping and trafficking over 100,000 children that has surpassed drug trafficking in the United States.  Our continued national struggle over the historical systemic problems of race, social and legal inequalities have resulted in increased tensions and conflict in our inner cities. It’s a tinderbox state of affairs that is about to explode.  Many other numerous problems face us as a nation, just to name a few: Poverty, Mental Health Crisis, Addiction, Homelessness, Inadequate Access to Health Care, Disconnected Youth, Unemployment, No Job Training for Inner City Youth, Child Hunger, and the need For Public Education Reform. With the culture shifting, most Churches (yes, most) are still living as if they lived in a different era, not engaging the people around them or assisting our communities in finding solutions to the major problems our nation is facing.  Because of these issues, we need more culture engagers and more Churches to engage culture for the cause of Christ, not run from it.

People often ask, "How do you bring healing into the pain of a city?”  The answer is, “through engaging the pain.” The Church is called by God to move outside the walls and engage the pain, by offering His redemption and healing into each sector of the city.  Every pastor and Church is being called in our time to stop locking people down into Church buildings, pews, and programs and getting them engaged into the work of transforming their cities.  Building on the biblical foundations of Ezra and Nehemiah’s rebuilding the temple and restoring Jerusalem from ruins during the post-exilic period of Israel’s history, provides a model for cultural transformation.  Ezra was concerned about restoring the Church of his time.  Nehemiah was focused on rebuilding the city.  In seeking to rebuild the city, he asked two important questions; “What is the condition of God’s People” and “What is the condition of the city?”  It’s important to note that the conditions of our cities/communities impact the condition of God’s people.  All that you should do, is look at the condition of God's people in a city and you can see, whether the principalities and powers are prevailing. The boundaries of the city of Jerusalem were burned down and its 12 gates were burned with fire (12 sectors) and God's people were in distress.  The elders of the city sat in these gates when they were in use (these were the city’s stakeholders) bringing God's wisdom to the city, but the gates were now in ruins. Each gate represents an important sector of the city that needed the priest, God’s people, and the resources of the government partnering together with them to restore the city.   Some other scriptures to consider:

Jeremiah 29:7

But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you, and pray to the Lord on its behalf,

for in its welfare you will find your welfare

Micah 6:9

Listen! The LORD is calling to the city! It is wise to respect your authority, O LORD! Listen, O nation, and those assembled in the city!

Isaiah 58:12

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Isaiah 61:4

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.

Luke 19:41

As Jesus approached Jerusalem and saw the city, He wept over it.

Churches around our nation are throwing out the old measures of success. It’s no longer merely about size, seeker sensitivity, spiritual gifts, individual church health, nor the number of small groups. It’s about making a significant and sustainable difference in the lives of people around us—in our communities and in our cities. There is a growing awareness that we cannot continue to do the same old things and expect a different result.  This work will demand an array of competencies, such as community assessment, planning, mobilization, intervention, advocacy, evaluation, and most of all prayer. Supporting this type of community work requires widespread access to skill-building resources which can come from the talent, skills, and resources of local Churches.  Imagine a church that prevails over the gates of hell in their own city and community.  That is God's heart!  It's time for all of us to get out of the realms of traditional ministry and become engaged in the transformation of our cities!  If you are called to transform your place, you will not do that on your own.  We are called to be “THE” Body of Christ in our city.  Our individual church is not God's gift to the city. The Body of Christ is God's gift to the city! What must happen between where we all currently find ourselves; and where we need to be will require great courage.  When we are more present and working together “IN OUR CITY” - God is more present “TO OUR CITY”, working through us to bring about the change our cities so urgently need.  God is blessing the ministries where churches are coming together to do things together in a way that no one church could achieve on their own.  Real transformation in a city can begin with churches coming together and to begin praying  and interceding for their city.

This Is Not Your Grandmother's Revival !

In Acts 3:20 we have a very special promise, "times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord."  However, don't count on God moving in the same ways He's moved in the past. Too many people keep looking for another Azusa Street Revival, another Jesus People Movement, or another outpouring of the Holy Spirit just like the last one.  In fact, the only thing most people, who spend their lives chasing similar moves of God (these supposed "Old Glory Days"), find is their own disappointment because they keep trying to relive or recreate the past. God doesn't work that way. I am afraid that too many people may be addicted to “euphoria and utopianism” rather than embracing what it means to be human.  In my mind, we are living in a culture of escapism.  The purpose of the Holy Spirit is not to give us another heavenly buzz. The purpose of the Holy Spirit is to empower us to live an authentic life of faith.

I have enjoyed many outpourings of the Holy Spirit in my brief lifetime. Each experience was "refreshing" but each outpouring was different from the last.  I was in the Jesus People movement in the 1970’s. I was a part of a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit which emphasized praise and worship in the 1980’s.  I was a part of the major outpouring that took place in Toronto Airport Vineyard with John and Carol Arnott and with Hillsong Church in Sydney, Australia in the 1990's. People gave their hearts to Christ, got delivered, infused with the Holy Spirit, fell on the floor, shook under the power, spoke in tongues, prophesied, and went through all kinds of healing; but not one of these moves looked a bit like the "Old Days."  Since the turn of the century, too many leaders have led prayer events, made promises, and prophesied things that God is JUST NOT GOING TO DO.  He will never do what He has done in the past because Hewants us to live in the present.  The future of the Church can be deeply rooted in the past but it must be focused on what the current generation needs.  My grandparents passed away back in the late 20th century.  Many of my spiritual mentors have also gone on to be with the Lord. Each served their generation well and were wonderful examples of faith for me. Their faith gave me the courage to press forward with an expectancy that God can do "Above all I could ask or ever think possible."  If God did exactly what He did in the past, then all we would have to do is push a button to get the result we want, but that's not how God works.  As much as I love revival, outpourings, and moves of the Holy Spirit, I see God doing something new in our time. THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S REVIVAL!  

As the Body of Christ, we are called to become engaged in the transformation of communities, regions, cities and nations. As wonderful as "falling under God’s power, experiencing holy laughter or encountering the Holy Spirit in fresh and wonderful ways (and I believe and advocate all of this)”, God is calling for healing, reconciliation, and transformation on both a personal and corporate level.  An astounding statistic is that 88% of people classified as “GenX” and 98% of Millennials’ have never heard the Gospel! They are not looking for a show... they are looking for authenticity and real relationships.  Despite the wonderful work of the Spirit-filled contemporary church, music and entertainment will not reach or disciple today's generation. A big room, full of theatrical lights, rock bands and big screen images filled with God's man of faith and power will not change our cities or nation.  These churches measure their effectiveness with numbers, cash, and assets.  God's work cannot be reduced to a mathematical equation.  THIS IS NOT SUCCESS!  In fact, what our contemporary church leaders ought to be exploring is why the statistics of divorce, young Christians cohabitating, declining moral values, and those lifestyle choices that we find in our secular culture are THE SAME as in our churches!  The contemporary entertainment model church shows, despite the crowd building goals and photo opts, have not produced any dent in the number of unchurched people.  On top of that, many Christians are leaving the Church never to return because they are tired of all the over-promised and under-delivered claims of contemporary preaching and the same old tired songs and sound of the contemporary Church. It's fake news!  So, what does a true revival look like today?

It may begin with a good cup of coffee and meaningful conversation. It may begin with a prayer and a hug.  It may begin in a conversation together around a table. It may begin when we create space for a meaningful connection with God, ourselves, and others. But one thing for sure it will never begin in a show.  This is a generation that is craving for authentic relationship, the real meaning of life, and for a place where their voice matters.  God understands the cry of their hearts and will move in ways that speaks to them.  The future of the Church will begin exactly where Jesus has always been - at a table.  This is not a generation that wants to be preached at.  This is a generation that wants to collaborate.  They don't see leadership in a modernistic way. The future of those who are called will be "to become facilitators" of the conversation and fathers and mothers who have a desire to disciple. A big room with loud music may move people forward to pray a prayer but it will never produce true disciples of Jesus.  God may be calling the Church to learn how to do "small" in big and legendary ways.  In my mind, I see that the future of the Church will be a return to the New Testament principles where the Church began. (See Acts 2:42-46).  However, the future Church will look like something we have never seen before in history (See Haggai 2:9).

On the prophetic side of things, like “Disney World's Carousel of Progress”, the Church should always be looking towards the future and asking what comes next and how do we prepare for it (See I Chron. 12:32)?  A few years back, I had a dream/vision of the next great outpouring of the Holy Spirit.  In my dream, I saw young people laying all over floors weeping and crying out to God.  The presence of God was so thick they were afraid to move. There were no lights, loud music, or stage productions. Just young people laying on floors crying out to God.  In my dream, I asked why I was here and I heard, "Because you are a father and you understand these things."  The Church of the future will not be built on corporate business principles, celebrity leaders, or bands whose goal is to get named in Billboard magazine.  The Church of the future will be a listening, discerning, collaborating body of people with a deep spiritual hunger for the presence of the Holy Spirit in their lives. D.L. Moody once said, "The church that can't worship must be entertained, and leaders who can't lead a church to worship must provide entertainment."

The Church must have apostolic spirit-led facilitators who will father, disciple and mentor this emerging fatherless generation. Recently, just before the election of Donald Trump, God woke me up in the middle of the night and said to me, "When you hear Donald Trump give the command to build the wall, rebuke the entertainment model church, call them to repentance, and to return to building a New Testament Church, spirit-directed, filled with obedient hearts marked by the work that I will do in their midst…  a Church without spot or wrinkle; for this will be the hour of restoration that I promised!"  Wow, I was overwhelmed. I have been waiting for this moment since 1978.  Every revival throughout church history will look pale compared to this coming move of the Spirit.  Each revival in the past was just a picture of what is to come, when whole cities and nations will be transformed in an instant!  But don't think this coming outpouring is coming to revive or prop up an old religious system.  God is deconstructing the Church as we know it; so that He can prepare it for the coming generations of people who will not be adulterated with religion.  It's a “cup of coffee and a conversation” kind of revival, not a “brick and mortar” one with some preacher pontificating all his supposed revelations from God to wow the crowd (See Ezekiel 34:10).  People will hear God for themselves directly, both personally and corporately (See John 10:27).  No longer will they transfer their God-given responsibilities to a hireling preacher.  No longer will they be like the people in the Old Testament who said to Moses, "You go up and speak to God for us and come back and tell us what He said” (See Exodus 20:19). Hebrews 8:11 explains to us exactly what the future Church is going to look like; "No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest." I am deeply encouraged and stirred in my heart as I prepare, write, film, record and gather discipleship materials for the next few years; getting ready for this coming time of spiritual transformation. Like an expectant father painting, wallpapering a nursery, and putting the crib together, I'm getting ready for this coming move of God!  As promised in I Cor. 2:9; "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” As my friend, Brian Houston, Global Pastor of Hillsong Church always says, "The Best is Yet to Come."

Healing Our Racial Divide: One Apology Can Impact A Nation

The continued silence and denial of America's original sin of slavery and the systemic racism embedded in our legal system has been one of our nation's most difficult matters to overcome. As I began this journey of healing and reconciliation, I have found several responses that have demonstrated to me that we have not moved the conversation of race as much as we thought over the last 50 years. On the one hand, there are those within the Caucasian community who want to leave the past alone citing that they are not responsible for what their forefathers did. On another hand, many think those within the African American or Native American communities just need to pull themselves up by their “bootstraps” and get a job.

Recently, a major "White" Christian leader said to me, "If the Black people would just stop demanding entitlements, handouts and stop the violence in their own communities, then maybe we could work together with them. But until they address their own problems we have nothing to talk about."  Another "White" American lady said to me, "the only reason we have race issues in America today is because you "White men" want to keep your dominance, power, and male privilege not only over Blacks but women also."  A year or so ago, as I was addressing the drug problems within our city and the high rate of overdoses, a "White" Evangelical Christian said to me, "If the police would just address those Black drug dealers in Baltimore County, Maryland we wouldn't have this problem in our city." The thing that got me is that when I showed this person that actually the purest heroin available in our region was coming out of the “White” community - they didn't accept it because of their strong belief that it was the "Blacks" who gave us our drug problems.  Wow! Over the last few years, as I have been working on "Healing the Racial Divide”,  I know that I shouldn't be, but I have been shocked at the rationalization, resistance and even denial that exists in "White" Evangelical Christian circles over the issue of race.

Racism is an insurmountable problem that all of us are faced with today. Deeply ingrained in the fabric of our history, culture, and lives it seems almost impossible to resolve. Jesus said, “With men, this may be impossible; but with God all things are possible.” (Matt. 19:26)

Racism is nothing new to the Church. In Acts 10, Peter was challenged by the Lord, to deal with his own racism toward the Gentiles.  Peter admitted to Cornelius, that as a Jewish man, he had been taught not to associate with anyone from another race. But, God had shown him otherwise. Too often, our cultural prejudices shape our experiences.  This is why we need God’s help.

While traveling in 1993, my flight was grounded in LAX airport because of the riot that resulted from the Rodney King beating. While praying and watching this event on TV; the Holy Spirit spoke to me saying; “This is what America’s cities are going to look like if you don’t go home and address that principality over your city.”  I now seriously understood our national dilemma. It was rooted in my home city, beautiful Annapolis, Maryland which defined our nation’s moral challenges. It was here, in 1767 that Kunta Kinte, the ancestor of Alex Haley was sold at auction. As a local pastor, I knew what had to be done about it.  I saw three tasks before me. First, to examine myself in the light of scripture.  I could not ask others to identify unchristian-like attitudes if I had not. Second, I knew that I had to engage our own faith community, to work hard at healing our relationship with God, ourselves and our cross-cultural relationships.  Thirdly, I had to engage and become a part of a greater "sacred conversation on race" with the rest of the entire Body of Christ

 

Historically, racism began and has to end with the Church. That’s why I have stepped up and taken on this subject.  Before Rosa Parks was told to move to the back of the bus, the American Church told “African Americans” to sit in the back of the building!  This type of discrimination gave rise to segregation within denominations long before the “Jim Crow” laws.  I've often heard that Sunday mornings are the most segregated hour in America's week but no one has explained why.  In my view, we all keep looking at the problem, defining it and blaming each other for its perpetuation. We ALL know what the problem is! However, the Body of Christ must be willing to confront racism and provide solutions on a local level, before we can offer hope to our nation.  So, here is one step I've taken to begin the process of healing as one local pastor.

Kate Taney Billingsley, William Alexander Haley, Charles Taney
Lynn Jackson, and Bishop Harry Jackson

On March 6, 2017, on The 160th Anniversary of The Dred Scott decision, I reached out to churches, pastors, and government leaders to join together in an act of healing and reconciliation in front of the statue of Chief Justice Roger Brooke Taney at our State Capitol building. He was the judge who dehumanized African Americans and legalized “racism.” This event brought together Taney’s descendants to apologize to a Dred Scott descendant.  This simple act of forgiveness and healing reverberated throughout our country. Our story was carried by the Associated Press to over 200 news outlets across the nation and the world - from Time Magazine to ABC News.  This evidenced to us that our nation is craving solutions.

As I took this small step to address my own community, it was not an attempt to speak to a nation. I simply wanted to continue to move the churches in our city to offer hope to a city, that is still suffering from the issues of it's past.  You can't heal a community by trying to bury its history.  I've always known that if I wanted to see God move in an unprecedented way, I would have to lead the way by becoming an example of what repentance means and become an instrument of healing, and reconciliation.  So, instead of deflecting, I've started to listen, hear, and try to understand the pain and struggles that my forefathers and mothers caused in the past, that still inflicts pain in African and Native American Communities today. In other words, I had to own it!  

It might surprise many people today but the Dred Scott decision has not been removed and remains embedded in our legal system still to this day.  It may surprise you that even though we think that the Emancipation Proclamation ended slavery in America, that applied only to Southern states during the Civil War.   Although the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution of The United States did end slavery, it is highly disturbing to note the language, in that it states: "The only exception to the prohibition against involuntary servitude (slavery) shall be in the case of a convicted criminal who shall be sentenced to involuntary servitude (slavery) as a part of his punishment.” Has anyone stopped to ask why our American legal system is rigged against African Americans who make up two-thirds of our prison populations?  Then (also read for yourself) in the Fourteenth Amendment, where it says, "In calculating the total populations for the purpose of apportioning representation, the census shall not include Indians unless they are paying taxes"; which means that Native Americans are not entitled to equal rights under the law unless they pay taxes to the government! It goes on to say, "The United States nor any individual state shall any debt or obligation which was incurred in aiding the rebellion against the United States since all debts, obligations, and claims shall be illegal and void," which means that the United States cannot be sued for reparations as a matter of justice.  I bet most Evangelical and Spirit-filled Christians have no idea what the Constitution says. However, you hear too many of them today shout in affirmation "We need to be staunch defenders of the Constitution and make sure we have a strict constitutionalist appointed to the Supreme Court." I bet many of them would stay in a state of denial when you show them that the very words of the Constitution do not promise "Equal Justice" under the law. The legal system in America institutionalizes racism and needs to be changed. Although other nations engaged in slavery, we are the only nation that legalized ownership of other people. The Consitution guaranteed "White" privilege from its inception and has a very firm foundation in our legal heritage which has never been addressed by the "White" church - because it has been complicit. The Body of Christ laid a firm foundation for racism in our national history and culture.

I've had to learn that what’s in them still runs in me.  It's called, "iniquity."   Have you ever heard someone talk about sin and gotten the sense that they were addressing the sins of other people and not acknowledging their own?  Everyone is quick to cite II Chronicles 7:14 to ask God to heal our land but never discuss what are those "wicked ways" that God's people are called to turn away from! Nor do they even stop to ask if God can bless a "people" who are living on stolen property (most of the land was stolen from the Native American population).  Ezra 9:7 says; From the days of our fathers to this day we have been in great guilt. And for our iniquities we, our kings and our priests have been given into the hand of the kings of the lands, to the sword, to captivity, to plundering, and to utter shame, as it is today.” It's the White European Church that led the way in planting the English flag at Cape Henry. It's the White European Church that stole Native American land citing that it was a “New Promised Land.” The White Church led the way in enslaving people - it's called the “Doctrine of Discovery.”  It's the White American Church that continues to believe that the United States has a foundation like Israel's national covenant even though our national forefathers never made a covenant with God! Neither were they given any promises from God that Native American land was to be taken as a part of the Abrahamic Covenant!  Psalm 33:4 states that "God only works in truth."  He DOES NOT work in "fake news", "falsehood", "sin", "distorted history", "denial" and "racism."  He only works in truth and we cannot speak “truth to power” unless we are willing to speak “truth to ourselves.”  Until we address the truth about our history, our privilege, our denial and own racist views, God will not bring the "Great Revival" we all so much desire.  Without admitting the problem, we cannot get help.

Proverbs 28:13 states, "People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy."

I John 1:9-10 states, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have no sin, we make him a liar and his word is not in us.   

Many of my Evangelical and Spirit-filled friends are rightly praying for an “Awakening.” We don't need a revival since it would only perpetuate our own sin.  You can't change something you don't acknowledge! We DO NEED an “Awakening!”  Yes, we ALL NEED to wake up!  Our racism problem is not going to just go away because we ignore it. Our racial problems in the inner cities of America are not going to go away just because we spend 17 million dollars a year in programs to help inner city youth. Programs are not enough. Each of us must be willing to confront racism in our own hearts and stop looking for the other guy to take the first step, or for the government to fix it. II Corinthians 5:18 says, "But, all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation." Each of us is called to get our relationship right with God and right with one another. We cannot bring about reconciliation in America if the Church does not lead by example.  It's time to acknowledge and repent of our "racial" sins and for those of our forefathers. Even though Jesus wasn't guilty of our sin, on our behalf, He took on the responsibilities and penalties of our sin. Like Christ, it's our time and our generation's prophetic call to rise up and become what Isaiah 58 calls us to be: “Repairers of the breach, Restorers of paths to dwell in, and Raise Up the foundations for future generations." Each of us must be brave enough to take one small step to heed that call.  Charles Taney IV (Descendant of Supreme Court Chief Justice Roger Brooke Taney) and Lynne Jackson (Great granddaughter of Dred Scott) exemplified “healing and reconciliation” to all of us on March 6th, 2017 by asking for "forgiveness" and giving "forgiveness" in front of a nation that is struggling to find forgiveness. Isn't this just what Jesus called all of us to do?